i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
