Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
