i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
