this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
