just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
