I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
