I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
