Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
They have beer where we have blood.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
