I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
