well you can't waste a boner
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
