i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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