the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
