I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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