I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
