Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
