Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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