he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize