Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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