It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
