Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
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