Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
