that's an acceptable place to lick
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
NoShamevember. You game?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
