I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize