How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
How does one acquire holy water?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize