he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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