i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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