She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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