Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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