I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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