She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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