i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
