I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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