I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
