Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
