I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
