Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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