Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I don't deserve a penis
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
