ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize