i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
