I am puke
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
