6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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