woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
