evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
