I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
