I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
