he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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