my vag is so smooth its legendary
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
