I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
