His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
