No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
