My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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