I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize