so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
