No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
