i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
