You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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