so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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