Duck Duck Cougar?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
