So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm both gender and math confused
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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