i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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