He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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