so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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