Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
