The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
