i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
